Thoughts on the Way Home

Friday, October 08, 2010

The Bottom Line: Finding a Wife



Mark LaCour


"He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord." (Proverbs 18:22). "House and wealth are an inheritance from fathers, but a prudent wife is from the Lord." (Proverbs 19:14).

Finding a wife -- or husband, doesn't start with courtship or E-Harmony but with the grace of God -- some obtaining more grace than others, as not all gems are rare jewels. Just ask Lot (Gen. 19:26) and Job (Job. 2:9-10). But finding a "crown to be worn" and not "rottenness in the bones" (Prov. 12:4) takes work, much prayer, and great patience, as every diamond is found in the rough (1 Pet. 3:7).

So how does one find a mate? Is there a certain biblical method that guarantees the grace of God? A few observations concerning the discovery process:

First, there isn't one "magical" method. While we can "kiss dating good-bye" as being unbiblical -- so is courtship. Prearranged marriages are found in Scripture but this isn't mandated. Regardless of the method used, all must be done with the glory of God in mind. Resigning ourselves to isolation, presuming God doesn't expect my involvement, or that I must beat the bushes, take every compatibility survey, and attend every bible study to find Mr./Ms. Right, is presumptuous at best and unbelieving at worst. Better to work at what God has called us to be, than be with -- trusting Him to bring a helpmeet for the work he's called us to.

Second, know the difference between finding gold and finding pyrite. "Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised" (Prov. 31:30) -- and pursued. You marry the person in the body, not just the body that houses the person -- which is why we marry only "in the Lord" (1 Cor. 7:39) and for the long haul. Prioritizing what a mate should possess should start with the spiritual but should never end with perfection -- a list of unrealistic expectations that cause both sexes needless angst.

Lastly, be careful who you listen to for advice. Which is why parental advice should take a high position in our thinking. While they're not infallible, they are invaluable. You will wear someone’s advice or perspective around your neck (Prov. 1:8-9) -- learn to choose wisely.

Is she the right one? Will he be a good husband and father to our kids? No one knows the future, but if He gave us His Son, He won't fail to give us what's best -- be it a spouse or singleness (Rom. 8:32). The question is are we willing to wait, to seek godly wisdom, and trust He has our best interest in mind -- a box you can't check on an E-Harmony survey.

-Mark LaCour